monerobux/trifling.py

# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
import sopel.module
import random
import re
import requests
import praw
from client import *
from threading import Timer

@sopel.module.commands('4matter')
def fourmatter(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('Irish I be fookin <3 Milo')

@sopel.module.commands('aminorex')
def aminorex(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('if i could replace my wife with a robot...  i might seriously think about it')

@sopel.module.commands('ayylmao', 'lmao')
def lmao(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://i.redd.it/jjiwl9dbejoy.jpg')

@sopel.module.commands('banana')
def banana(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('(')

@sopel.module.commands('bananas')
def bananas(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('(((')

@sopel.module.commands('barolo')
def barolo(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('I just opened a 2004 barolo in your and all the devs honor -- https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-JvdfsIeb-s/hqdefault.jpg')

@sopel.module.commands('bb')
def bb(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VvbP0QNmF0')

@sopel.module.commands('bear')
def bear(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'ʕ ·(エ)· ʔ'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('brothers')
def brothers(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'http://www.trollaxor.com/2011/11/brief-history-of-ascii-penis.html'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('buyorsell')
def buyorsell(bot, trigger):
    draw = random.random()
    if draw < 0.33:
        silly_string = "Sell, sell, sell!"  
    elif 0.66 > draw >= 0.33:
        silly_string = "Hodl!"  
    elif 1 > draw >= 0.66:
        silly_string = "Buy, buy, buy!"  
    bot.say(silly_string)

@sopel.module.commands('china')
def china(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://youtu.be/ZrNrleD2ZFs')

@sopel.module.commands('cryptosid', 'sid')
def cryptosid(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/58acbbd0280000d59899a57a.jpeg?ops=crop_5_33_460_393,scalefit_720_noupscale')

@sopel.module.commands('cursive')
def cursive(bot, trigger):
    instring = trigger.group(2)
    outstring = u''
    normals = ['a','b','c','d','e','f','g','h','i','j','k','l','m','n','o','p','q','r','s','t','u','v','w','x','y','z','A','B','C','D','E','F','G','H','I','J','K','L','M','N','O','P','Q','R','S','T','U','V','W','X','Y','Z'] 
    curses  = [u'𝓪',u'𝓫',u'𝓬',u'𝓭',u'𝓮',u'𝓯',u'𝓰',u'𝓱',u'𝓲',u'𝓳',u'𝓴',u'𝓵',u'𝓶',u'𝓷',u'𝓸',u'𝓹',u'𝓺',u'𝓻',u'𝓼',u'𝓽',u'𝓾',u'𝓿',u'𝔀',u'𝔁',u'𝔂',u'𝔃',u'𝓐',u'𝓑',u'𝓒',u'𝓓',u'𝓔',u'𝓕',u'𝓖',u'𝓗',u'𝓘',u'𝓙',u'𝓚',u'𝓛',u'𝓜',u'𝓝',u'𝓞',u'𝓟',u'𝓠',u'𝓡',u'𝓢',u'𝓣',u'𝓤',u'𝓥',u'𝓦',u'𝓧',u'𝓨',u'𝓩']
    for idx, val in enumerate(instring):
        if val in normals:
            outstring += curses[normals.index(val)]
        else:
            outstring += val
    bot.say(outstring) 

@sopel.module.commands('dash')
def dash(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('http://www.dash-wash.com/it-it')

@sopel.module.commands('dealwithit')
def dealwithit(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'(•_•)   ( •_•)>⌐■-■    (⌐■_■)'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('diiorio')
def diiorio(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'http://www.contravex.com/2016/06/29/from-the-scammer-files-anthony-di-iorio/'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('disapprove')
def disapprove(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'ಠ_ಠ'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('ded')
def ded(bot, trigger):
    if random.random() < 0.5:
        bot.say('http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/715/140/3b2.jpg')
    else:
        bot.say('https://imgur.com/a/yzNZW')

@sopel.module.commands('donate', 'donation')
def donate(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('45SkxgDmcLmW5ByS7w9AG78JuJRvCoVKCdGJWnd4US95CBUAtvdGAdM2oHgZgTGjkEAUcwdqcryM819aqdeiKxHSQC8HkmS', trigger.nick)

@sopel.module.commands('dump')
def dump(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHg8qIKJo1I')

@sopel.module.commands('eth')
def eth(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'The world computer 💻🌐'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('fib', 'fibonacci')
def fib(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'Pardon me, do you have a moment to discuss our lord and savior ✞Cheesus Monero✞?'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('flip')
def flip(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('fuck')
def fuck(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("Fuck your {} if you want fuck!".format(trigger.group(2)))

fuckyouoptions = [
"http://imgur.com/Kt8os8v",
"https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/502111486915788801/DtB5ruDz_400x400.jpeg",
"http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/70/7073ff0ce9c54f6672f157ebef668c1b6bb123d15fc2e2bc062ec1558f964820.jpg",
"http://static.deathandtaxesmag.com/uploads/2015/01/staff-troll-fuck-you.png",
]
@sopel.module.commands('fuckyou')
def fuckyou(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(fuckyouoptions))

@sopel.module.commands('gay')
def gay(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('https://i.imgur.com/RHbXrLa.png')

@sopel.module.commands('gui')
def gui(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('http://imgur.com/a/hnxfS')

hitleroptions = [
'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2WfedZG7bo',
r"There's always Aeon", 
'http://adolfcoin.camp/'
]
@sopel.module.commands('hitler', 'adolf')
def hitler(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(hitleroptions))

@sopel.module.commands('hmm', 'hmmm')
def hmm(bot, trigger):
    # try:
        sub=reddit.subreddit('hmmm')
        posts=sub.new(limit=100)
        n=random.randint(0,100)
        for i, post in enumerate(posts):
            if i==n:
                bot.say(post.url)
    # except:
    #     bot.say("Something something reddit's servers")

herooptions = [
"https://video.twimg.com/tweet_video/DEnItJjV0AI81CK.mp4",
"https://media.giphy.com/media/REH3MZp1FeCM8/giphy.gif",
]
@sopel.module.commands('hero')
def hero(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(herooptions))

@sopel.module.commands('hotline')
def hotline(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'☎  Call 1-800-273-8255 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ☎' .encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('invest')
def invest(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('i think invest in bitcoin is much more safe and profitable because bitcoin price rising to higher value and we do not face to any risk when we invest our money in bitcoin and i if we invest our money in bitcoin we will be get a good profit from bitcoin in the future so i think bitcoin is much more profitable currency than altcoins.')

@sopel.module.commands('isittrue')
def isittrue(bot, trigger):
    draw = random.random()
    if draw < 0.33:
        silly_string = "True as the day is long."  
    elif 0.66 > draw >= 0.33:
        silly_string = "Irrelevant question in this post-truth world."  
    elif 1 > draw >= 0.66:
        silly_string = "Lies! Damn Lies! It's statitistics!"  
    bot.say(silly_string)

@sopel.module.commands('jaxx')
def jaxx(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'This command will be implemented soon. Honest. Especially if the devs can provide some unpaid assistance. Soon™...')

@sopel.module.commands('joshua1234')
def joshua(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'The first, second, third, and fourth amongst joshes.')

@sopel.module.commands('jwinterm')
def jwinterm(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'j_winter_m')

@sopel.module.commands('kid', 'rehrar')
def kid(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'What up kid?')
    
@sopel.module.commands('kramer')
def kramer(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("Waiting for a retrace to 0.007")

@sopel.module.commands('lenny')
def lenny(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('livermore')
def livermore(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reminiscences_of_a_Stock_Operator'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('luigi')
def luigi(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'🍄 luigi is doing. mario is not doing luigi is doing 🍄'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('ltc', 'chikun')
def ltc(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'🐔🐔🐔 https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder100/48222100.jpg 🐔🐔🐔'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('major')
def major(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(r"Showed them a sneak peak of the MAJOR Monero announcement that is happening at tomorrow's meetup, they're excited!")

@sopel.module.commands('masternode', 'masternodes')
def masternode(bot, trigger):
    bot.say('http://hadoopilluminated.com/hadoop_illuminated/images/hdfs3.jpg')

@sopel.module.commands('moon')
def moon(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'┗(°0°)┛'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('multisig')
def multisig(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('myriad', 'myr', 'myriadcoin')
def myriad(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'Myriad - A coin for everyone 🖐'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('needmoney', 'needmoney90', 'nm90')
def needmoney(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'cash rules everything around me C.R.E.A.M get the money 💵 💵 bill yall'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('nioc')
def nioc(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'If I had a monero for every time I went to the salt mines...I would have a lot of moneros'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('nomnomnom')
def nomnomnom(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'ᗧ•••ᗣ'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('noom')
def noom(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'┏(.0.)┓'.encode('utf8'))

odboptions = [
"FBI don't you be watching me",
"Ooo baby I like it raw",
"Jacques Cousteau could never get this low"
]
@sopel.module.commands('odb', 'oldirty')
def odb(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(odboptions))

@sopel.module.commands('pamp')
def pamp(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("Pamp o clock yet?")
    
perooptions = [
'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqreRufrkxM',
'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnPrtiLy0uU',
'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8qOV1z7ZA0'
]
@sopel.module.commands('pero')
def pero(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(perooptions))

@sopel.module.commands('pivx')
def pivc(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("Masternodes + PoS...what could possibly go wrong?")
    
@sopel.module.commands('pony')
def pony(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3rpmctmC_M")
    
@sopel.module.commands('primer')
def primer(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("The point is not how much i made, point is fluffy did this on purpose, more than 10 people were in on it. His commit access needs to be revoked asap!")
   
confirmoptions = [
"I can confirm that it is true",
"This is true",
"Fake news",
"Alternative fact",
"The outlook is murky, ask again later"
]
@sopel.module.commands('pleaseconfirm', 'confirm')
def confirm(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(confirmoptions))

projectingoptions = [
"https://i.warosu.org/data/fa/img/0059/31/1365465556033.jpg",
"https://thenicessist.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/screen-shot-2015-12-15-at-8-03-04-pm.png?w=748",
"https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cMYssGE9g6w/VNru-2E-bDI/AAAAAAAAA3Y/fM91wN757Z0/s1600/Projection.PNG",
"https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b7/fa/f3/b7faf3aac68dc3f15d3526ecb292dc8b.jpg",
"https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/17/40/e1/1740e15f12c153c00a041d95978f831c.gif"
]
@sopel.module.commands('projecting')
def projecting(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(projectingoptions))

@sopel.module.commands('rarepepe', 'rare')
def rarepepe(bot, trigger):
    try:
        r=requests.get('https://rarepepewallet.com/feed')
        j=r.json()
    except:
        bot.say("Problem getting rarepepe data :sadfrogface:")
    try:
        if trigger.group(2) == None:
            name=random.choice(j.keys())
        else:
            name=trigger.group(2).upper()
        pepe=j[name]
        bot.say("{0} is the #{1} card in series {2} of which {3} exist {4}".format(name, pepe['order'], pepe['series'], pepe['quantity'], pepe['img_url'].replace('\\', '')))
    except:
        bot.say("{0} rare pepe doesn't seem to exist".format(trigger.group(2)))
        

@sopel.module.commands('rip')
def rip(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'(X_X) ☜ (◉▂◉ ) we hardly knew ye'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('romerito', 'romero')
def romerito(bot, trigger):
    draw = random.random()
    if draw < 0.25:
        silly_string = "O Romerito, Romerito! wherefore art thou Romerito?"  
    elif 0.5 > draw >= 0.25:
        silly_string = "To buy or not to buy: that is the question"  
    elif 0.75 > draw >= 0.5:
        silly_string = "Cowards die many times before their deaths; the Romerito never taste of death"  
    elif 1 > draw >= 0.75:
        silly_string = "Et tu, Romerito!"  
    bot.say(silly_string)

@sopel.module.commands('scam')
def scam(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'http://i.imgflip.com/is8.jpg')

@sopel.module.commands('soon')
def soon(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'Two weeks™'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('shrug')
def shrug(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'¯\_(ツ)_/¯'.encode('utf8'))

@sopel.module.commands('summon')
def summon(bot, trigger):
    if trigger.group(2) == None:
        bot.say("{0} has summoned...no one".format(trigger.nick))
    else:
        try:
            trigger.group(2).decode('ascii')
            bot.say("{0} has summoned {1}, ༼つ ◕_◕ ༽つ come to us {1} ༼つ ◕_◕ ༽つ".format(trigger.nick, trigger.group(2)))
        except:
            bot.say("Stop using non-ascii characters! (╯°□°）╯︵ ( . 0 .)")

@sopel.module.commands('timetravelpp')
def timetravelpp(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("A journey is best measured in pepes, rather than miles http://rarepepedirectory.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/timetravelpepe.jpg")

@sopel.module.commands('trivia')
def trivia(bot, trigger):
    try:
        triviaurl = 'https://opentdb.com/api.php?amount=1&type=multiple'
        r = requests.get(triviaurl)
        j = r.json()
        category = j['results'][0]['category']
        difficulty = j['results'][0]['difficulty']
        question = j['results'][0]['question']
        correct_answer = j['results'][0]['correct_answer']
        incorrect_answers = j['results'][0]['incorrect_answers']
        bot.say("This question is in the field of {} and is of {} difficulty: {}".format(category, difficulty, question))
        replystr = "If you said {} you are correct, but if you said {}, {}, or {} you should call your parents and complain.".format(correct_answer, incorrect_answers[0], incorrect_answers[1], incorrect_answers[2])
        def f():
            bot.say(replystr)
        t = Timer(10.0, f)
        t.start()
    except:
        bot.say("No trivia for you!")


reddit=praw.Reddit(client_id=client_id, 
                   client_secret=client_secret, 
                   user_agent='monerobux',
                   username=username,
                   password=password)
@sopel.module.commands('tinytrump')
def tinytrump(bot, trigger):
    try:
        sub=reddit.subreddit('tinytrump')
        posts=sub.new(limit=100)
        n=random.randint(0,100)
        for i, post in enumerate(posts):
            if i==n:
                bot.say(post.url)
    except:
        bot.say("Something something reddit's servers")

@sopel.module.commands('trump')
def trump(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("Monero is the best crypto, believe me, I know crypto and it's going to be yuuuuuuuge!")

@sopel.module.commands('tumbleweed')
def trumbleweed(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("https://rootco.de/2016-03-28-why-use-tumbleweed/")

@sopel.module.commands('unflip')
def unflip(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(u'┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)'.encode('utf8'))

urmomoptions = [
"ur mom is so stupid she bought all the dash",  
"ur momma got a peg leg with a kickstand",
"ur mom is so fat it looks like she's just gliding across the floor",  
"your mother is so obese she would have mass whether or not the Higgs boson exists",  
"ur mom is so fat that her blood type is nutella",  
"ur mama is so fat she wears neck deoderant",  
"ur mom's middle name is Mudbone",  
"ur momma has a glass eye with a fish in it",  
"ur mama is so stupid she sold her romero for bitcoins",  
"ur momma look like a Simpsons character",
"ur mom is so ugly Donald Trump wouldn't even grab her by the pussy",
"ur momma is so stupid she listens to rpietila",
"ur mom is Amanda B Johnson",
"US ur mom if u want to U!",
"ur mom is so stupid she thinks Craig Wright is Satoshi"
]  
@sopel.module.commands('urmom', 'yourmom', 'yomom', 'yomomma')
def urmom(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(urmomoptions))

vitalikoptions = [
"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CrWjczJXgAExF2S.jpg",
"mETH, not even once: https://cdn-az.allevents.in/banners/e7df519e0808bac49fa3aaf503aff87d",
"Betteridge's law of headlines: https://fortunedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/blo_startups_2520x1667.png",
"Casper can survive 51% attacks happening once in a while; we can just delete the attackers' deposits and keep going."
]
@sopel.module.commands('vitalik', 'buterin')
def vitalik(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(vitalikoptions))


@sopel.module.commands('wat')
def wat(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("https://www.destroyallsoftware.com/talks/wat")
    
@sopel.module.commands('xrp')
def xrp(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("We have the best C++ dev team in the world!")

zcashoptions = [
"Trust us guys, we totally smashed that computer up, with like...magnetic baseball bats.", 
"https://youtu.be/A51Bl3jkF0c"
]
@sopel.module.commands('zec', 'zcash')
def zcash(bot, trigger):
    bot.say(random.choice(zcashoptions))

@sopel.module.commands('zooko')
def zcash(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("And by the way, I think we can successfully make Zcash too traceable for criminals like WannaCry, but still completely private & fungible.")

@sopel.module.rule('monerobux o\/')
def wave(bot, trigger):
    #bot.reply(u'‹^› ‹(•_•)› ‹^›'.encode('utf8'))
    bot.reply('hello')
#@sopel.module.rule('[Tt]rump')
#def politics(bot, trigger):
#    bot.reply("politics is the mind killer")
    
@sopel.module.commands('asp')
def asp(bot, trigger):
    polourl = "https://poloniex.com/public?command=returnTicker"
    stampurl = 'https://www.bitstamp.net/api/ticker/'
    cmcurl = "https://api.coinmarketcap.com/v1/ticker/monero/"
    trexurl = "https://bittrex.com/api/v1.1/public/getmarketsummary?market=btc-ans"

    try:
        r=requests.get(cmcurl)
        j=r.json()
        xmrbtc_price=float(j[0]['price_btc'])
    except:
        bot.say("Error connecting to CoinMarketCap")
    try:
        r = requests.get(trexurl)
        j = r.json()
        ans=j['result'][0]
        last=float(ans['Last'])    
        value_ans = float(last*231.6)
    except:
        print ("Error retrieving data from Bittrex")    
    try:
        r=requests.get(polourl)
        j=r.json()
    except:
        bot.say("Error connecting to Poloniex")
            
    label_dash="BTC_DASH"
    label_decred="BTC_DCR"
    label_factom="BTC_FCT"
    label_golem="BTC_GNT"
    label_maidsafecoin="BTC_MAID"
    label_augur="BTC_REP"
    label_stellar="BTC_STR"
    label_nem="BTC_XEM"
    label_ripple="BTC_XRP"
    label_zcash="BTC_ZEC"
    label_nxt="BTC_NXT"
    label_sia="BTC_SC"
    label_dgb="BTC_DGB"
    label_sys="BTC_SYS"
    
    # Bitstamp
    try: 
        stampresult = requests.get(stampurl)
        stampjson = stampresult.json()
    except:
        stampjson = False
    if stampjson:
        stamp_price = float(stampjson['last'])
    # Poloniex  
    try:
        ticker_dash=j[label_dash]
        ticker_decred=j[label_decred]
        ticker_factom=j[label_factom]
        ticker_golem=j[label_golem]
        ticker_maidsafecoin=j[label_maidsafecoin]
        ticker_augur=j[label_augur]
        ticker_stellar=j[label_stellar]
        ticker_nem=j[label_nem]
        ticker_ripple=j[label_ripple]
        ticker_zcash=j[label_zcash]
        ticker_nxt=j[label_nxt]
        ticker_sia=j[label_sia]
        ticker_dgb=j[label_dgb]
        ticker_sys=j[label_sys]  
        last_dash=float(ticker_dash['last'])
        last_decred=float(ticker_decred['last'])
        last_factom=float(ticker_factom['last'])
        last_golem=float(ticker_golem['last'])
        last_maidsafecoin=float(ticker_maidsafecoin['last'])
        last_augur=float(ticker_augur['last'])
        last_stellar=float(ticker_stellar['last'])
        last_nem=float(ticker_nem['last'])
        last_ripple=float(ticker_ripple['last'])
        last_zcash=float(ticker_zcash['last'])
        last_nxt=float(ticker_nxt['last'])
        last_sia=float(ticker_sia['last'])
        last_dgb=float(ticker_dgb['last'])
        last_sys=float(ticker_sys['last'])      
        value_dash = float(last_dash*18.84760476)
        value_decred = float(last_decred*93.74095377)
        value_factom = float(last_factom*207.78912373)
        value_golem = float(last_golem*7374.44608569)
        value_maidsafecoin = float(last_maidsafecoin*5973.05389222)
        value_augur = float(last_augur*94.01892768)
        value_stellar = float(last_stellar*318974.81202454)
        value_stellar_h = float(8.34800202)
        value_nem = float(last_nem*29892.11866946)
        value_ripple = float(last_ripple*27962.37965895)
        value_ripple_h = float(3.17485452)
        value_zcash = float(last_zcash*16.47649534)
        value_nxt = float(last_nxt*14932.63473053)
        value_sia = float(last_sia*129377.43190662)
        value_dgb = float(last_dgb*84177.21518989)
        value_sys = float(last_sys*10523.26194748)

        total = value_dash + value_decred  + value_factom + value_golem + value_maidsafecoin + value_augur + value_stellar + value_nem + value_ripple + value_zcash
        total_h = value_dash + value_decred  + value_factom + value_golem + value_maidsafecoin + value_augur + value_stellar_h + value_nem + value_ripple_h + value_zcash
        total_june = value_nxt + value_sia + value_dgb + value_sys + value_ans        
        xmr_totalvalue = float(total / xmrbtc_price)
        asppercent = ((((stamp_price * total) / 14950)-1)*100) + ((((stamp_price * total_june) / 13240)-1)*100)
        if asppercent >= 0: 
            aspsign = '+'
        else:
            aspsign = '-'
        xmrpercent = ((((650*(xmrbtc_price*stamp_price)/14950)-1)*100))  + (((250*(xmrbtc_price*stamp_price)/13240)-1)*100)
        if xmrpercent >= 0: 
            xmrsign = '+'
        else:
            xmrsign = '-'  
        asppercent_h = ((((stamp_price * total_h) / 14950)-1)*100) + ((((stamp_price * total_june) / 13240)-1)*100)
        if asppercent_h >= 0: 
            aspsign_h = '+'
        else:
            aspsign_h = '-'
        bot.say("{0} {1:.2f}BTC; {2} {3:.2f}BTC; {4} {5:.2f}BTC; {6} {7:.2f}BTC; {8} {9:.2f}BTC; {10} {11:.2f}BTC; {12} {13:.2f}[{14:.2f}]BTC; {15} {16:.2f}BTC; {17} {18:.2f}[{19:.2f}]BTC; {20} {21:.2f}BTC; {22} {23:.2f}BTC; {24} {25:.2f}BTC; {26} {27:.2f}BTC; {28} {29:.2f}BTC; {30} {31:.2f}BTC; ASP Total:{32:.2f}[{33:.2f}]BTC/{34:,.0f}USD/{35:,.1f}XMR (02-May+20-Jun outlay, 10BTC+5BTC/14,950USD+13,240USD/650XMR+250XMR) (Since begin ASP:{36}{37:.2f}[{38}{39:.2f}]% XMR:{40}{41:.2f}%, Harvested 11.52BTC)".format("DASH", value_dash, "DCR", value_decred, "FCT", value_factom, "GNT", value_golem, "MAID", value_maidsafecoin, "REP", value_augur, "STR", value_stellar, value_stellar_h, "XEM", value_nem, "XRP", value_ripple, value_ripple_h, "ZEC", value_zcash, "NXT", value_nxt, "SIA", value_sia, "DGB", value_dgb, "SYS", value_sys, "ANS", value_ans, total+total_june, total_h+total_june, stamp_price * (total + total_june), xmr_totalvalue, aspsign, asppercent, aspsign_h, asppercent_h, xmrsign, xmrpercent))
    except:
        bot.say("ERROR!")

@sopel.module.commands('wtfisasp')
def wtfisasp(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("ASP means the Angry Shitcoin Portfolio, a list of the top 15 coins that piss me off as people mindlessly pour money into them.")
    
@sopel.module.commands('asprules')
def asprules(bot, trigger):
    bot.say("1. Shitcoins only, eg. a premine, ICO, Corporate, APPCoin, Buzzwordy, Copycat, etc. . 2. Must have high volume, it needs staying power to be considered as the ASP is a longterm thing. 3. 1 BTC gets bought of each coin on the list, as this list is not fictional, laughable as that is. 4. No trading, buy and hold only. 5. Can be liquidated at my discretion, but preferably once it's fleeced users of 4> BTC in value or more, or almost nothing is left (<0.1 BTC in value). 5. Each shitcoin should preferably should have a poor/toxic community, and or dev group shilling, censoring, etc. . 6. I must literally hate the idea of this coins existence.")

@sopel.module.commands('whaleornot')
def whaleornot(bot, trigger):

    if not trigger.group(2):
        bot.say("Gotta have skin in the game to be a big fish! Add some XMR after the command to see what level the player is at!")
    else:
        try:
            xmr_size = float(trigger.group(2))
            if xmr_size <= 0:
                fish_string = "amoeba"  
            elif xmr_size < 0.1:
                fish_string = "plankton"  
            elif xmr_size >= 0.1 and xmr_size < 0.2:
                fish_string = "Paedocypris"  
            elif xmr_size >= 0.2 and xmr_size < 0.5:
                fish_string = "Dwarf Goby" 
            elif xmr_size >= 0.5 and xmr_size < 1:
                fish_string = "European Pilchard"
            elif xmr_size >= 1 and xmr_size < 2:
                fish_string = "Goldfish"
            elif xmr_size >= 2 and xmr_size < 5:
                fish_string = "Herring"
            elif xmr_size >= 5 and xmr_size < 10:
                fish_string = "Atlantic Macerel"
            elif xmr_size >= 10 and xmr_size < 20:
                fish_string = "Gilt-head Bream"
            elif xmr_size >= 20 and xmr_size < 50:
                fish_string = "Salmonidae"
            elif xmr_size >= 50 and xmr_size < 100:
                fish_string = "Gadidae"
            elif xmr_size >= 100 and xmr_size < 200:
                fish_string = "Norwegian Delicious Salmon"
            elif xmr_size >= 200 and xmr_size < 500:
                fish_string = "Electric eel"
            elif xmr_size >= 500 and xmr_size < 1000:
                fish_string = "Tuna"
            elif xmr_size >= 1000 and xmr_size < 2000:
                fish_string = "Wels catfish"
            elif xmr_size >= 2000 and xmr_size < 5000:
                fish_string = "Black marlin"
            elif xmr_size >= 5000 and xmr_size < 10000:
                fish_string = "Shark"
            elif xmr_size >= 10000 and xmr_size < 20000:
                fish_string = "Dolphin"
            elif xmr_size >= 20000 and xmr_size < 40000:
                fish_string = "Narwhal"
            elif xmr_size >= 40000 and xmr_size < 60000:
                fish_string = "Orca"
            elif xmr_size >= 60000 and xmr_size < 100000:
                fish_string = "Blue Whale"
            elif xmr_size >= 100000 and xmr_size < 200000:
                fish_string = "Leviathan"
            elif xmr_size >= 200000:
                fish_string = "Cthulu"
            bot.say("{0} level.".format(fish_string))
        except:
            bot.say("Try a base ten representation of a number")

@sopel.module.commands('trebuchet')
def trebuchet(bot, trigger):            
    bot.say("Can YOU use a counterweight to launch a 90 kg projectile over 300 meters? Yeah, I thought not.")