365 lines
12 KiB
Python
365 lines
12 KiB
Python
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
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import sopel.module
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import random
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import re
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import requests
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import praw
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@sopel.module.commands('4matter')
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def fourmatter(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('Irish I be fookin <3 Milo')
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@sopel.module.commands('aminorex')
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def aminorex(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('if i could replace my wife with a robot... i might seriously think about it')
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@sopel.module.commands('ayylmao', 'lmao')
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def lmao(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('https://i.redd.it/jjiwl9dbejoy.jpg')
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@sopel.module.commands('banana')
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def banana(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('(')
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@sopel.module.commands('bananas')
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def bananas(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('(((')
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@sopel.module.commands('barolo')
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def barolo(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('I just opened a 2004 barolo in your and all the devs honor -- https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-JvdfsIeb-s/hqdefault.jpg')
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@sopel.module.commands('bear')
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def bear(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'ʕ ·(エ)· ʔ'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('brothers')
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def brothers(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'http://www.trollaxor.com/2011/11/brief-history-of-ascii-penis.html'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('buyorsell')
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def buyorsell(bot, trigger):
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draw = random.random()
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if draw < 0.33:
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silly_string = "Sell, sell, sell!"
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elif 0.66 > draw >= 0.33:
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silly_string = "Hodl!"
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elif 1 > draw >= 0.66:
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silly_string = "Buy, buy, buy!"
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bot.say(silly_string)
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@sopel.module.commands('china')
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def china(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbM2F-cfN0A')
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@sopel.module.commands('cursive')
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def cursive(bot, trigger):
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instring = trigger.group(2)
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outstring = u''
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normals = ['a','b','c','d','e','f','g','h','i','j','k','l','m','n','o','p','q','r','s','t','u','v','w','x','y','z','A','B','C','D','E','F','G','H','I','J','K','L','M','N','O','P','Q','R','S','T','U','V','W','X','Y','Z']
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curses = [u'𝓪',u'𝓫',u'𝓬',u'𝓭',u'𝓮',u'𝓯',u'𝓰',u'𝓱',u'𝓲',u'𝓳',u'𝓴',u'𝓵',u'𝓶',u'𝓷',u'𝓸',u'𝓹',u'𝓺',u'𝓻',u'𝓼',u'𝓽',u'𝓾',u'𝓿',u'𝔀',u'𝔁',u'𝔂',u'𝔃',u'𝓐',u'𝓑',u'𝓒',u'𝓓',u'𝓔',u'𝓕',u'𝓖',u'𝓗',u'𝓘',u'𝓙',u'𝓚',u'𝓛',u'𝓜',u'𝓝',u'𝓞',u'𝓟',u'𝓠',u'𝓡',u'𝓢',u'𝓣',u'𝓤',u'𝓥',u'𝓦',u'𝓧',u'𝓨',u'𝓩']
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for idx, val in enumerate(instring):
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if val in normals:
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outstring += curses[normals.index(val)]
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else:
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outstring += val
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bot.say(outstring)
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@sopel.module.commands('dash')
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def dash(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('http://www.dash-wash.com/it-it')
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@sopel.module.commands('dealwithit')
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def dealwithit(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('disapprove')
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def disapprove(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'ಠ_ಠ'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('ded')
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def ded(bot, trigger):
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if random.random() < 0.5:
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bot.say('http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/715/140/3b2.jpg')
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else:
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bot.say('https://imgur.com/a/yzNZW')
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@sopel.module.commands('donate', 'donation')
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def donate(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('45SkxgDmcLmW5ByS7w9AG78JuJRvCoVKCdGJWnd4US95CBUAtvdGAdM2oHgZgTGjkEAUcwdqcryM819aqdeiKxHSQC8HkmS', trigger.nick)
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@sopel.module.commands('dump')
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def dump(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHg8qIKJo1I')
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@sopel.module.commands('eth')
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def eth(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'The world computer 💻🌐'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('fib', 'fibonacci')
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def fib(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'Pardon me, do you have a moment to discuss our lord and savior ✞Cheesus Monero✞?'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('flip')
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def flip(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('fuck')
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def fuck(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("Fuck your {} if you want fuck!".format(trigger.group(2)))
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fuckyouoptions = [
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"http://imgur.com/Kt8os8v",
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"https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/502111486915788801/DtB5ruDz_400x400.jpeg",
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"http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/70/7073ff0ce9c54f6672f157ebef668c1b6bb123d15fc2e2bc062ec1558f964820.jpg",
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"http://static.deathandtaxesmag.com/uploads/2015/01/staff-troll-fuck-you.png",
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('fuckyou')
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def fuckyou(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(fuckyouoptions))
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@sopel.module.commands('gay')
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def gay(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('https://i.imgur.com/RHbXrLa.png')
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@sopel.module.commands('gui')
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def gui(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('http://imgur.com/a/hnxfS')
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@sopel.module.commands('hmm', 'hmmm')
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def hmm(bot, trigger):
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try:
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sub=reddit.get_subreddit('hmmm')
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posts=sub.get_new(limit=100)
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n=random.randint(0,100)
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for i, post in enumerate(posts):
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if i==n:
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bot.say(post.url)
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except:
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bot.say("Something something reddit's servers")
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@sopel.module.commands('isittrue')
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def isittrue(bot, trigger):
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draw = random.random()
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if draw < 0.33:
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silly_string = "True as the day is long."
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elif 0.66 > draw >= 0.33:
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silly_string = "Irrelevant question in this post-truth world."
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elif 1 > draw >= 0.66:
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silly_string = "Lies! Damn Lies! It's statitistics!"
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bot.say(silly_string)
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@sopel.module.commands('jaxx')
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def jaxx(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'This command will be implemented soon. Honest. Especially if the devs can provide some unpaid assistance. Soon™...')
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@sopel.module.commands('joshua1234')
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def joshua(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'The first, second, third, and fourth amongst joshes.')
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@sopel.module.commands('jwinterm')
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def jwinterm(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'j_winter_m')
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@sopel.module.commands('kid', 'rehrar')
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def kid(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'What up kid?')
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@sopel.module.commands('lenny')
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def lenny(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('ltc', 'chikun')
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def ltc(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'🐔🐔🐔 https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder100/48222100.jpg 🐔🐔🐔'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('masternode', 'masternodes')
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def masternode(bot, trigger):
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bot.say('http://hadoopilluminated.com/hadoop_illuminated/images/hdfs3.jpg')
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@sopel.module.commands('moon')
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def moon(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'┗(°0°)┛'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('multisig')
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def multisig(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('nomnomnom')
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def nomnomnom(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'ᗧ•••ᗣ'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('noom')
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def noom(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'┏(.0.)┓'.encode('utf8'))
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odboptions = [
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"FBI don't you be watching me",
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"Ooo baby I like it raw",
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"Jacques Cousteau could never get this low"
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('odb', 'oldirty')
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def odb(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(confirmoptions))
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perooptions = [
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'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqreRufrkxM',
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'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnPrtiLy0uU'
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('pero')
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def pero(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(perooptions))
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@sopel.module.commands('pivx')
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def pivc(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("Masternodes + PoS...what could possibly go wrong?")
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confirmoptions = [
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"I can confirm that it is true",
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"This is true",
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"Fake news",
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"Alternative fact",
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"The outlook is murky, ask again later"
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('pleaseconfirm', 'confirm')
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def confirm(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(confirmoptions))
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@sopel.module.commands('rarepepe', 'rare')
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def rarepepe(bot, trigger):
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try:
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r=requests.get('https://rarepepewallet.com/feed')
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j=r.json()
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except:
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bot.say("Problem getting rarepepe data :sadfrogface:")
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try:
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if trigger.group(2) == None:
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name=random.choice(j.keys())
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else:
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name=trigger.group(2).upper()
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pepe=j[name]
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bot.say("{0} is the #{1} card in series {2} of which {3} exist {4}".format(name, pepe['order'], pepe['series'], pepe['quantity'], pepe['img_url'].replace('\\', '')))
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except:
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bot.say("{0} rare pepe doesn't seem to exist".format(trigger.group(2)))
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@sopel.module.commands('rip')
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def rip(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'(X_X) ☜ (◉▂◉ ) we hardly knew ye'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('romerito', 'romero')
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def romerito(bot, trigger):
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draw = random.random()
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if draw < 0.25:
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silly_string = "O Romerito, Romerito! wherefore art thou Romerito?"
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elif 0.5 > draw >= 0.25:
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silly_string = "To buy or not to buy: that is the question"
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elif 0.75 > draw >= 0.5:
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silly_string = "Cowards die many times before their deaths; the Romerito never taste of death"
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elif 1 > draw >= 0.75:
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silly_string = "Et tu, Romerito!"
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bot.say(silly_string)
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@sopel.module.commands('scam')
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def scam(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'http://i.imgflip.com/is8.jpg')
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@sopel.module.commands('soon')
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def soon(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'Two weeks™'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('shrug')
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def shrug(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'¯\_(ツ)_/¯'.encode('utf8'))
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@sopel.module.commands('summon')
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def summon(bot, trigger):
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if trigger.group(2) == None:
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bot.say("{0} has summoned...no one".format(trigger.nick))
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else:
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try:
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trigger.group(2).decode('ascii')
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bot.say("{0} has summoned {1}, ༼つ ◕_◕ ༽つ come to us {1} ༼つ ◕_◕ ༽つ".format(trigger.nick, trigger.group(2)))
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except:
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bot.say("Stop using non-ascii characters! (╯°□°）╯︵ ( . 0 .)")
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@sopel.module.commands('timetravelpp')
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def timetravelpp(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("A journey is best measured in pepes, rather than miles http://rarepepedirectory.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/timetravelpepe.jpg")
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reddit=praw.Reddit(user_agent='monerobux')
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@sopel.module.commands('tinytrump')
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def tinytrump(bot, trigger):
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try:
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sub=reddit.get_subreddit('tinytrump')
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posts=sub.get_new(limit=100)
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n=random.randint(0,100)
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for i, post in enumerate(posts):
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if i==n:
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bot.say(post.url)
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except:
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bot.say("Something something reddit's servers")
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@sopel.module.commands('trump')
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def trump(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("Monero is the best crypto, believe me, I know crypto and it's going to be yuuuuuuuge!")
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@sopel.module.commands('tumbleweed')
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def trump(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("https://rootco.de/2016-03-28-why-use-tumbleweed/")
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@sopel.module.commands('unflip')
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def unflip(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(u'┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)'.encode('utf8'))
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urmomoptions = [
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"ur mom is so stupid she bought all the dash",
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"ur momma got a peg leg with a kickstand",
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"ur mom is so fat it looks like she's just gliding across the floor",
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"your mother is so obese she would have mass whether or not the Higgs boson exists",
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"ur mom is so fat that her blood type is nutella",
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"ur mama is so fat she wears neck deoderant",
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"ur mom's middle name is Mudbone",
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"ur momma has a glass eye with a fish in it",
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"ur mama is so stupid she sold her romero for bitcoins",
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"ur momma look like a Simpsons character",
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"ur mom is so ugly Donald Trump wouldn't even grab her by the pussy",
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"ur momma is so stupid she listens to rpietila",
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"ur mom is Amanda B Johnson",
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"US ur mom if u want to U!",
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"ur mom is so stupid she thinks Craig Wright is Satoshi"
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('urmom', 'yourmom', 'yomom', 'yomomma')
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def urmom(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(urmomoptions))
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vitalikoptions = [
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"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CrWjczJXgAExF2S.jpg",
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"mETH, not even once: https://cdn-az.allevents.in/banners/e7df519e0808bac49fa3aaf503aff87d",
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"Betteridge's law of headlines: https://fortunedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/blo_startups_2520x1667.png"
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('vitalik', 'buterin')
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def vitalik(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(vitalikoptions))
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@sopel.module.commands('wat')
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def wat(bot, trigger):
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bot.say("https://www.destroyallsoftware.com/talks/wat")
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zcashoptions = [
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"Trust us guys, we totally smashed that computer up, with like...magnetic baseball bats.",
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"https://youtu.be/A51Bl3jkF0c"
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]
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@sopel.module.commands('zec', 'zcash')
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def zcash(bot, trigger):
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bot.say(random.choice(zcashoptions))
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@sopel.module.rule('monerobux o\/')
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def wave(bot, trigger):
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#bot.reply(u'‹^› ‹(•_•)› ‹^›'.encode('utf8'))
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bot.reply('hello')
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#@sopel.module.rule('[Tt]rump')
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#def politics(bot, trigger):
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# bot.reply("politics is the mind killer")
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